strangling your innocence little by little
by upperleadworth
Summary: But in our little world of masks and monsters and dancing in the rain, we can still be young and unhurt and invincible. Luna-centered.


_an- I wrote this after I played in the rain a few days ago, but only the first two sections. And yes, I play in the rain. I also dance in the rain. :P. Judge me if you don't like it. The line breaks aren't mine, neither are the characters. Enjoy!_

* * *

_(Dancing on tiptoes, my own secret ceremonials.)_

When they were little, they used to play outside in the rain. Young and happy; unburdened by the heavy weight of war; feeling nature's teardrops on their arms and laughing. Back then, they were just Ginny and Luna, not Blood-Traitor and Loony. Little girls, dancing on tiptoes in the rain, that was all.

Living in their imaginary world, rolling down hills, getting covered in mud, it was all they needed.

When Selena Lovegood died, it was the rain and Ginny that made Luna feel better. Still, Selena Lovegood's death was what made Luna build up her walls of madness, of magic.

_(Spread these broken wings and learn to fly.)_

Then came Hogwarts.

They didn't go out in the rain anymore, no matter how much Luna wanted to. Ginny didn't talk much to anyone in First Year, except Luna, and Ginny was too tired to go outside. Luna just watched it happened and hid behind her little mask.

Luna wanted Ginny to be herself again, and did everything she could to do that, but Ginny was now caught up in love as well as her sleepy, dreamlike, sickly, even, state.

Luna hated that Ginny was being taken away from her.

_(The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same.)_

Luna slipped off into her world as the years went by, and Ginny slipped off into hers. It was hard for Luna, but Luna could give anything up whenever she wanted. It was her nature. She could just stop doing something, and she can stop hating something, and she can stop everything but herself.

Still, Ginny was something Luna couldn't help missing, and one day, when Luna was just sitting under a tree in the rain, people from inside looking at her like she was mad, she was hoping that Ginny would come out and dance with her.

It never happened.

_(Back to the street where we began.)_

The summer before Fourth Year is when everything comes back together between Luna and Ginny. They are friends again, at least in Luna's eyes, and Ginny and her dance in the rain one July day. Soon, though, Ginny says that she has to go somewhere.

They don't see each other until the train. Ginny brings some of her friends in (Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom,) and they are all kind enough to her. Soon, Hermione Granger (the smartest witch, who is so narrow-minded,) and Ronald Weasley (secretly hiding his oh-so-obvious romance,) come in, and Luna's little mask is up as usual. Luna feels like they're her friends, but she knows that they aren't.

_(The moment to live and the moment to die; the moment to fight, to fight, to fight.)_

War is here, and Luna and Ginny were there for a battle. Fourth Year is when Luna makes her not-quite-friends (because they can't be real, can they?) and realizes that she might secretly be in love. Luna's never really understood love, in a romantic sort of way, but now she does, and she positively hates it. She decides to stop being in love, it's much easier.

Because when you're fighting (is it her or the real war?), there is no need for love. All Luna does is listen to her friends (maybe-almost-not-really) talk about how terrible people (Harry for Ginny, Cho for Harry, Cedric for Cho, Hermione for Ron, Ron for Hermione, and Padma for Anthony, and many others) are about being in love.

And she fights battles with herself and the real bad guys.

_(You're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone.)_

Ginny and Luna are best friends again, and Luna thinks that her almost-friends are real friends now. One October day, she and Ginny dance in the rain, and even manage to get Hermione to do it with them. Luna might not have liked Hermione that much, but now she realizes that Hermione Granger is a good person, albeit blind to the world's real magic.

Hermione is sad throughout the year, and Luna knows that it's really love sickness.

(Hermione, you don't need love,)

(Says you!)

(Your point being?)

(You don't care what anyone thinks! You just live off in your little world!)

This is the first time Luna tries to take off her mask, but she realizes that the mask is now her, she is the mask. She is herself, but not. A living contradiction.

All she really wants is rain. No masks. Just rain and its little crystals falling on her arms.

_(Your boldness stands alone among the wreck.)_

It's weakening, battle. Especially if you've been betrayed.

(It's all solved with magic for them, isn't it?)

Spell, gaze, duck, gaze, mask, spell, hex, gaze, dodge.

(Not just fun and games. It's all or nothing.)

Battle is like a dance, rhythmic, even. If only there was rain.

She must be brave. She can't let anyone down, she is going to win this.

And then, there's her mask.

Her perfect, years-trained mask.

Perfectly oblivious to the world, perfectly abnormal, perfectly Luna.

(Why is it perfectly Luna if it's a mask, though?)

_(I never knew daylight could be so violent.)_

She's free from that cell, but the approaching daylight, the rain-soaked beach, even, are not inviting.

And then the elf, that noble, heroic elf goes back and tries to save everyone.

Luna knows its fate before she sees it.

If there's one thing Luna hates, it is innocence being destroyed.

The elf did nothing to go against anyone but save her, but save the heroes.

(And now it's dead.)

She says a few words, keeping her self-mask on, her still innocent mask.

Rain would suit this event better than approaching dawn.

_(You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you.)_

She has been torn apart by war, Ginny. Love and war.

Luna doesn't like that her best friend is a new person. Then again, hasn't Luna become a new person, a mix between her used-to-be mask and her not-quite-real self? But Ginny is a completely different person. A no-more-fire-in-her-eyes, won't-even-speak-to-the-love-of-her-life, missing-out-from-life, needs-someone-but-won't-let anybody-come-close-to-her kind of person.

_(Screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain,)_

Luna is glad that the war is over. No more torture, no more people losing all their innocence, no more losing people to themselves. She and Neville are just sitting out there on a drizzling day, admiring that.

(I've always wanted to be kissed in the rain.) An offhand comment, meaning nothing more than a desire.

She doesn't expect for him to hold her hand protectively, as if saying _"If it's anyone you're kissed by in the rail, it'll be me. Only me. Nobody else."_

She has never fallen out of love with him, she realizes.

She doesn't like that at all.

_(Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.)_

She wants everything to be over, and everyone to be happy again, but everyone is still mourning.

Even her, secretly. But she's Luna Lovegood, invincible to the real world, isn't she?

Isn't she?

(Can anybody hear her? CAN ANYBODY HEAR HER?)

She's screaming out, but she can't be heard. Nobody cares what Loony Lovegood, not-quite-hero, has to say.

(Just listen, just once, you'll hear something, she swears!)

Why can't anyone hear her that people die every single day? Why can't they understand that what's done is done, and that they should be remembered in a happy way.

Because there are enough tears shed already.

_(Build your heart brick by boring brick, or the wolf's gonna blow it down.)_

She knew she had never fallen out of love. Ever. And she hates that, because she knows love can't last. When she sees his hand in Hannah Abbot's, her world crashes down for a moment, and then builds itself back up, forever invincible.

(Every single day just rips her apart. Ginny isn't Ginny and Neville isn't Neville and she's just there, being not-quite-real.)

And Luna just walks away, keeping it like it always has been.

She still desperately wants him to kiss her in the rain.

_(I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts.)_

When she meets Rolf, it is a sunny, clear day. Not a cloud in sight. She acts like she doesn't care, but she can't stand it.

(Why are you looking at the sky like that? It's such a nice color!) This is the first time he spoke to her.

(Yes, it is, but there are no clouds. And clouds are part of what makes the world work. Like those little Nargles and Wrackspurts.) She smiles at the dark-haired man, and laughs.

(What are-?)

(They're little things that explain everything that happens. Some people need books. I need creatures. What's your name? I'm Luna Lovegood.)

(I need creatures, too, but I also need books. I'm Rolf Scamander.)

Her eyes widen at the name. (As in Newt Scamander? He was a genius, in my opinion. One of the few non-fiction writers that I enjoy, you know.)

(My however-many-greats grandfather, Luna, darling.)

(Don't call me darling, Rolfy.)

(As long as you don't call me Rolfy, Moongirl.)

(I like that nickname.)

She wishes that Ginny were there to tease her about his.

(Here's my address- maybe you could send an owl to me? Talk about creatures a bit?)

She accepts it.

_(Dancing slowly in an empty room.)_

Indoors never compares to outside. But, during the days when it's sunny and they feel like it, Luna and Ginny will charm it to rain and dance in a room. Rolf and Harry never find out about this, and they keep it that way.

Some things are forever innocent.

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_AN2- CHEESY ENDING ALERT. I love the Luna-Ginny-Hermione relationship. And I know my interpretation of Luna isn't very Luna-ish. I'm not the best with characterization. I tried, reader, I tried. _

_Reviews are dancing in the rain._

_~Blue _


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